August 30, 2011

setbacks then comebacks
TerryAugust 30, 2011 1 comments

Yesterday I got an unexpected disappointment, not that there are some that are expected but sometimes you don't have full hope in yourself or someone else or something so the outcome doesn't shock you. 
When you do the best you can and signs indicate to red but the outcome is orange, then that's a disappointment, probably a setback to a goal you had.
The setback really pained me. As a human being, I went on to demonize the person and situation involved and celebrated the fact that I am fully aware of a certain endeavour that didn't go according to their wishes, good payback but so unlike me to celebrate someone’s failure especially since we've been on good terms - until now.
Thank you God for blessing me with a wonderful hubby because as soon as I shared my sorrows with Mr., I felt completely offloaded and free of all bad/negative feelings. 
Now am feeling much better and see the setback as an opportunity to take responsibility and rethink my strategies after all, there's a light at the end of every dark tunnel.


I searched the net on dealing with setbacks and got some pointers on how to deal with setbacks.

ü  Don’t be passive in tackling the setback nor heap all the blame on others. Come to terms with the setback and start planning your next move. Ask for help if and when need be.

  Bounce back. Reassess your goals re-evaluate them as necessary.

ü  Rather than focusing the setback(s), think about what is positive. Put a smile back on your face, feel good and look to tomorrow - a chance to start over and do it right.

ü  See success in your mind's eye success. Adopt a positive attitude to help you stay motivated to work on making improvements. Encourage yourself, it will take time and effort, but it's well worth it!

 
You don’t have to be perfect; after all, nobody else is but you owe it to yourself to do and be the best you can be to avoid self pity and regret when you encounter a disappointment / setback.

August 23, 2011

good Mom, bad Mom
TerryAugust 23, 2011 0 comments

Yesternight I had a serious tiff my 7.5 year old son and his partner in crime, his 4 year old sister. At 8:00pm, they suddenly had the urge to ride their bikes in the house. I told them to stop, they said they really needed to ride, I gave them the 'Mommy' look, you know the one your Mom used to direct at you and you stopped in your tracks, but my kids felt nothing. They continued riding.
I told their Dad to stop them, they said something to the effect that his girlfriend is mean, that made him laugh from Nairobi to Timbuktu. So I decided to ignore their antics but still kept a corner eye on them.
I was starting tolerate the rides until I don't know what happened, my son let go of his bike and it made a scratch on the dining table. I was done, what if he'd injured himself or his sister? or worse still, next time he decided to ride it in the kitchen with all its weapons of children destruction, boiling pots, fire and knives?
I had him take his bike outside with a stern warning to throw it over the fence if he didn't. He took it out, against his childhood desires whilst giving me the meanest look ever and saying how annoying I am.
His sister joined him in the mean looks department and because the girl has lip, she went ahead to tell me I'm not her friend anymore since I annoyed her best friend and play mate. I reminded her of the many times  I've had to rescue each from the other when things boil over between them, she continued to give lip.
What broke the camel's back though was when they decided they can both ride her bike like a boda bodam rider and his passenger while making those Naija mschew! sounds.
I am not in the business of raising spoilt disrespectful brats.
I'm not a big fun of spanking though sometimes I do, African style, but No, not this time. I decided to scare the nonsense out of them with what each loves the most. I have realised, my daughter loves her hair more than anything and my son, his 'johnny' is his treasure, yeah!
I took a pair of scissors, brandishing them like a Mommy who means business threatening to cut off their precious assets.
I have never seen my kids run up the stairs so fast and under their beds they went , I felt like bursting into laughter but I couldn't. I needed them to apologise and promise never to be disrespectful again before I hid the scissors. They were utterly terrified but you know kids, they soon forgot and started their 'normal' indoor games but I don't think they'll be ignoring Mommy again anytime soon.
You may not agree with the solution I used, well, am not sure it was the best but A mom gotta do what a mom gotta do. I was replaying the incident this morning and wondering how a good mom would have handled the situation but when they came to kiss me good morning, my confidence that I am a good mom was restored.
Motherhood is a journey in the quest of raising the best kids. Sometimes its ridden with self doubt - an occupational hazard of being a mom.
So how do you know if you’re actually being a good mother? Figuring out what works for you and your kids and learning to trust yourself is the best way, says http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/being-good-mom.
I'm raising my children to be the best they can be, and good citizens of the world, yet I have no maua nopt that I need one, i take all challenges in my stride as i prepare them to handle life’s curve balls -- a tough task for kids who have always gotten their way or have no discipline.





Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together.  ~Pearl S. Buck
 


It's not easy being a mother.  If it were easy, fathers would do it.  ~From the television show The Golden Girls

August 22, 2011

It's never too late
TerryAugust 22, 2011 0 comments

For the past about five days, I have been reading my daughter's Meg Cabot paper back omnibus Size 12 is not Fat and size 14 is not fat either.
I have seen this book many times in the bookstore section of my local Tuskys supermarket but always dismissed it as one of those 'love yourself' self help books and since I love plump me, I never once gave the book a peek. How wrong I was! No wonder it is said "Never judge a book by it's cover". because it infact is a detective-ish/mystery series like one of those Nancy Drew and Famous five I used to read in my teenage years, though the star is not a real detective  but Heather Wells, who used to be a teen pop sensation until her label dropped her, she walked out on her famous ex - Jordan Cartwright and moved in with his brother Cooper who sees her in a sisterly sort of way thought she secretly wants more, she's found a job in a freshman dorm at New York College's Fischer Hall as an assistant residence director and soon students are dying at an alarming rate and Fischer Hall is nicknamed Death Dorm, she wants to get to the bottom of it. I don't want to preempt, it's an interesting read.


One of the reasons I enjoyed the book is because of Heather's dedication to achieve her dream of getting her BA degree despite all the odds stacked against her, and her age compared to rest of the students especially in her dorm.
It kinda reminds me of me, here I am at 28 (same age as Heather, FYI) studying Journalism, the degree of my dream.
I have been to college before, studied computer science and graduated  in 2004 at 22, but that course was not what I wanted to do in life. Nobody forced me to do it but the 8-4-4 system of education is primary-secondary-tertiary and when I couldn't get into journalism in the year 2000, I did what was available. I look back and wish I'd been more headstrong like my friend whose mind was set on Law and when she got an admission letter to study home economics  at Kenyatta University, she declined because that's not what she wanted. Three years later she was in Uni doing Law! and now she's a big shot advocate of the High Court.
I should have taken another gap year also or two, but I didn't and now there's no use of crying over spilled milk. I am no longer a passive young adult anymore, I am the Captain of my life and I have taken charge,  I am finally doing a degree i have an immense passion and love for, and that's what matters!

Ever heard, seen or read about Dr. Barbara Young? She is a world renown life empowerment and motivational speaker on personal growth, development and leadership. She got her first degree at the age of 37.

Many people have done great things their age irrespective: 
  • Coco Chanel was thirty-eight when she introduced her perfume Chanel No. 5.
  • Mother Teresa was forty when she founded the Missionaries of Charity.
  • Dom Perignon was sixty when he produced his first champagne.
  • Winston Churchill was sixty-five when he became Britain’s prime minister.
  • Nelson Mandela was seventy-one when he was released from a South African prison, and seventy-five when he was elected president.
  • Michelangelo was seventy-two when he designed the dome of St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.
source : http://www.lifecompassblog.com/think-youre-too-young-too-old-or-too-late-to-achieve-your-dreams/

It's never too late (or late) to achieve your dreams, what matters is your attitude, spirit and commitment.
 


“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” ~~ Henry Ford


August 19, 2011

Steaming
TerryAugust 19, 2011 0 comments

Last Friday I went for a steam bath at the Windsor Golf and Country Club with my friend Stacy (you know her by now going by the number of posts she's been featured in this blog).
At the risk of sounding like a late bloomer, it was my first ever full body steam. I do steam my face regularly though, rarely if the whole truth be told.

The welcome at the gate was out of this world, the security men saluted us so much I was feeling like the retired Chief of General Staff Kianga before was literally pulled with ropes out of the DoD, they almost curtsied as they handed us the parking 'thingy'.
A warm welcome indeed. Oh, the magnificent view as we drove in and alighted. We walked around before finding the pro shop to pay for the steam session.
So there we were, two African girls changing into towels headed for the showers then steam room as decorum dictates for public steam baths.
Being the decent well mannered ladies we are, we go behind the changing area curtains, take different corners and start getting ready. A middle-aged mzungu who is from enjoying a morning of golf (seeing as there's so much grass on her muddy shoes, didn't she read the "Please don't enter in muddy shoes" notice at the door?) walks in, her locker is near where Stacy and I were, and she goes on to strip in front of us, without even taking notice.
Then another mzungu lady is leaving the showers, same as the first one, completely naked ! We're non-members, so obviously we didn't get the memo!
The kind lady manning the area does not seem bothered at all, she's probably so used to that, there are no rules against that and it a ladies only steam area.


Anyway, we shower and into the steam room we go. I told you it was my first so I'm first blinded by the steam-filled room, can't breath well and the eucalyptus stings my eyes but I adjust to the new environment in a few minutes.
We  start reminiscing about our HUM1000 - World Civilization class, trying to imagine the Roman and Greek civilization public and steam baths which were a public and social affair for the community. After around 20 - 30 minutes, we take a break to hydrate.
As we are lounging on the steam beds and sip water with the best lemon wedges ever, out of the showers emerge a head and body towelled young mzungu lady, I later learn she's Ukranian, and into the steam room she goes, we follow for steaming phase 2 after ten minutes.
Once we see clearly, we notice she's nude, sitting on her towel. Shock on our  steaming-in-towels modesty, we don't speak for a whole two minutes before getting used to the new dresscode. We start chatting and we're all jolly. Five minutes later, another mzungu lady walks into, this one's old, and just like Ms. Ukraine, sits on her towel and lets it off her body.
By now Stacy and I have seen enough white skin and assets to be shocked so we go on with our conversation. but then we are wondering, is it us steam room 'freshers' or it's our upbringing? no matter how much we try to let go off the towels, we just can't.
Either way, the steam got to our skin, and  we did reap the benefits. You should see our healthy glowing skins, we glow like an African sunset! and the relief of congested sinuses ( which is an issue to both of us) is amazing. And all other benefits as listed in http://www.steam-sauna-benefits.com/steam_room_benefits.html

On our way out, we thanked the lady staffer so being so helpful and we went about sightseeing the rest of The Windsor that was in view.
This place is trully magnificent, majestic, breathtakingly beautiful and the staff are cultured and polite. I'm definitely going there again Oh, we also bumped into a gorgeous wedding party, we didn't crash though - you don't do that at exclusive five-star locations and our Mommas taught us well! Off we drive, same distinguished treatment at the gate, headed for an Eritrean lunch at Asmara!




August 18, 2011

While I was away . . . . . . . .
TerryAugust 18, 2011 0 comments

It been four whole weeks since I last blogged, not because I had nothing to write about, Nooooo! In fact I had plenty to write but you know the labour laws, don't you? Annual leave? mmmhhhmm! I was taking a leave to revitalize, re-energize, re-whatever-else and collect my thoughts, get them together is readiness for a new season.

I'm back now, full swing.

Starting tomorrow, I'll let you know what I've been up to, my thoughts and of course, opinions!

Se siente bien estar de vuelta !